Worried about your new roommate? You aren't the only one, it is a major source of anxiety for most new students. Having a roommate can be a tough situation. You are going to be living with someone you may have only exchanged a few texts with. You may be coming from different places and backgrounds and you may have VERY different definitions of the word "clean," but while you may not become BFFs, having a good relationship with your roommate is an important factor in a positive and successful college experience. The key to getting along with your new roommate is avoiding conflict. Here are some tips to help have a positive roommate experience.

1. Be Clear About Your Expectations from the Beginning. 
Let your roommate know as soon as you can about your little quirks and preferences.It's not fair to expect him or her to pick up on them right away and communicating what you need is one of the best ways to eliminate problems before they become problems.

2. Set rules.
Though it may be awkward at first, having a frank conversation with your roommate in the first few days in an effort to set some rules will prove to be helpful long term.  Whether it be about cleaning the room, listening to music or having friends over, letting your roommate know what might make you uncomfortable is important.  "Roommates should discuss "Can guys stay the night?  Can girls stay the night?" says Matthew D'Oyly, Residence Life Coordinator at Hope College, in Holland, Mich.  "Even if it is against campus policy for that to happen, be sure to have the conversation."

3. Don't let problems pile up. 
No matter how well you might get along with someone, if you spend a majority of the day cooped up in a dorm room or apartment, their idiosyncrasies might start to grate your nerves.  If they have a habit that annoys you, or there's a more serious problem, have an honest conversation before it bubbles over.       

4. Find ways to get to know and appreciate this person.
This is the first move toward getting along.  Get beyond appearances.  There isn't a person on this earth who doesn't have something interesting about them.  Figure out what it is and observe it, ask about it, talk about it.  People respond well to people who see something admirable in them.

5. Compromise.
A steady give and take between you and your roommate will ease the tensions that can arise in a shared room/apartment.  "It is about sharing and coming up with workable compromises that both you and your roommate are comfortable with," says Rick Moreci, Director of Housing Services at Chicago's DePaul University.  "Compromise does not have to mean sacrifice.  It means working together with your roommate to determine the rules for your new living arrangement that you can both be comfortable with."

6. Negotiate. 
When there is an issue(s) be sure to state a problem, brainstorm alternatives, and choose a solution that is workable for all involved.  Call a meeting when neither of you is hungry, tired, or angry to see if you can work it out.  Remember, you've got to be reasonable if you want the other person to listen to reason.  Set the meeting in a neutral site – generally outside of your apartment/dorm –being in public helps keep emotions in check                        

7. Assume good will.
The thing you are convinced the other person is doing specifically to annoy you may well be just a habit or a holdover from the way things are in his or her home.  Before you leap to the conclusion that your roomie is out to get you by blasting Drake during study hours, ask if this is the way he or she always studies.  It just might be the case!

8. Communicate, communicate and communicate some more. 
No one can read minds.  If you don't like your roommate to borrow your shampoo, CDs, or clothes, say something.  Simmering in resentment will only make it more difficult to get along.  Conversely, you don't know what your roommate is thinking.  You don't know if it's okay to borrow things unless you ask.  You don't want to create resentment on their part, either.  Communicate in a friendly way.  Snapping at people invites them to snap back even harder.  "What the f— are you doing with my calculator?" invites a fight.  Instead, try something like, "Maybe you don't realize that I'm kind of particular about people using my stuff.  I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't borrow my calculator without asking."

9. Respect Your Roommate's Stuff. 
This may seem simple, but it's probably one of the biggest reasons why roommates experience conflict.  Don't think (s) he'll mind if you borrow his/her cleats for a quick soccer game or a cute shirt to wear to dinner?  For all you know, you just stepped over an un-crossable line.  Don't borrow, use, or take anything without getting permission first.

10. Be Mindful of Who You Bring into Your Room—and How Often. 
You may love having your study group into your room.  But your roommate may not.  Be mindful of how often you bring people over.  If your roommate studies best in the quiet and you study best in a group, try alternating who hits the library and who gets the room?

11. Lock the Door and Windows.
This may seem like it has nothing to do with roommate relationships, but how would you feel if your roommate's laptop got stolen during the ten seconds it took you to run down the hall to grab your food?Or vice versa?Locking your door and windows is a critical part of keeping everyone and everything safe on campus.

12. Be Open to New Things and Change.
Your roommate may be from someplace you've never heard of. They may have a religion or lifestyle that is completely different from your own.Be open to new ideas and experiences, especially as it to relates to what your roommate brings into your life.That's why you went to college in the first place, right?! You should expect to learn, grow, and change during your time at school.And the same should happen to your roommate, if all goes well.As the semester progresses, realize things will change for both of you.Be comfortable addressing things that unexpectedly come up, setting new rules, and being flexible to your changing environment

13. You don't have to be best friends. 
There are a lucky few who form lifelong bonds with their roommates, but according to college housing officials, it's not the norm.The only expectations you should have of your roommate is that they respect you and the living space.Anything beyond that is a gift, not a mandate.

14. Have fun with the situation. 
Positive energy invites more of the same.Having a roommate isn't a problem.It's an opportunity to learn about yourself and, perhaps, to make a friend.

References

"5 Tips to Getting Along With Your Roommate", by Brian Burnsed, Staff Writer, Aug. 13, 2010, At 8:00 a.m. 

"Getting Along with Your College Roommate", by Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D.

"10 Tips for Getting Along With Your College Roommate", by Kelci Lynn Lucier.  Updated March 21, 2017.

"Getting Along With Your College Roommate",  by Leeyen Rogers, May 1, 2015. College Life, Relationships.